I don’t know…

“You’re just falling into something different, with a new capacity to be beautiful.”

-William C. Hannan

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After having a phone conversation with my professor, I felt like I definitely had a clear sense of the path that I was in, or at least, wanted to be in with my thesis. I was definitely pumped! The following day, I ended up having a conversation with another professor who is guiding me through an independent study, and we discussed a little of what I was trying to do. I don’t feel confident about how I explained my thesis in that particular meeting, but she got the gist of what I was saying. She loved my ideas, and was excited as I am about the creative aspect of my thesis and the poetry that will be incorporated into the digital portion aside from the actual paper. However, we did have a discussion about the fact that my topic can actually be stretching and/or reaching into the dissertation realm. Am I trying to pursue too much? I realized that with the questions that I was posing, I may have to go into a full fledged study and that might be a lot for a masters thesis in terms of what I may have been looking to prove. It also might not be that much. My independent study advisor and I talked about a possible ethnographic lens or approach (a short narratives vibe).

I do agree that it is important to start with the self and to know ones own process before theories and concepts are applied and dealt with in a classroom setting. How am I going to write about process or identity or creativity in the classroom and present my thesis to teachers/professors unless I am aware of my own process and identity…. unless I feel I am confident balancing academic writing with the creative and then relaying that? I definitely don’t have to have all of the answers and be the “expert”, but I sure can experiment with how I work and use that as a leading example, right? It might help to start with me and take a more reflective approach.

I had this thought after my phone conversation the day before I had the meeting with my independent study advisor. Were we on the same page? hmm.. So, could I have each chapter in my thesis be comprised of research on or about that poem, with reflective thoughts on how that poem came to be and my process in writing it… How it connects into my larger theme and how it worked within and under my electronic literature umbrella… How media affected my process or enhanced my process with the poem? In order to convince others that media or e lit can be effective or beneficial to students and their writing, I want my e lit piece to be a prime example, or an exhibit A if you will, of what I am talking about. A “this is what I have done and experienced. I am confident that this can work” kind of a thing.

I walked out of her office pumped all over again for the possibilities and the leeway that I feel that I have to make this into something I never thought it could even be. I don’t know if I am making sense right now, and I don’t know if I necessarily want to go in this direction, but I am excited and that is what is important to me right now. Either way… I am excited and ready to start. This would not be possible without the passion, ambition, and motivation that is behind this project. I can feel it in me. I am trying to hear its voice. What is it saying, and what does it want to be?

 

mimi-and-eunice

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5 thoughts on “I don’t know…

  1. We don’t know either 😉 This wrestling with the questions means you are in the correct zone, and as you described your belief/passion in your poetry, the same applies for shaping this into an MA thesis.

    None of us can tell you *exactly* how to to this, that is the thesis process, But I am so pleased you are asking people, keep doing that, keep writing your questions here.

    This sentence jumped out at me “This would not be possible without the passion, ambition, and motivation that is behind this project.” It shows in every way when you describe your project.

    I’m fascinated by your work, but were I to take it on as a research topic, my results would be much different, because it’s not close to my own story, experience. Or if you were to take on a creative challenge to write poems about igneous rocks 😉 So might a piece be some examination of the impact of this personal stake in our work? Or how we help others find it?

    Or if you do break down your creative process, do you have sufficient memory of your own development process for the poems, like from “in the head” idea? Or maybe start with a new creative piece to document the “story behind the story”? Or is the goal to examine what the digital creation/representation can do beyond the written?

    Keep the questions flowing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My head is always full and always running, so there is definitely a lot of questions to come. I will say that I feel like I can definitely go back far enough into the process of writing a lot of what I have on Breaking the Manacles now. I can sometimes remeber where I was and what I was doing as an idea stricked, how long it took me to write, the mental journey that I went through writing it or researching for it. If I would’ve had this idea early on, I probably would’ve been able to start a journaling process way back when and be even more intricate with the details that I supplied for the process of each poem, but I feel like I have so much currently as well. And YES that is absolutely part of my goal (looking at how the digital manifestation influences the process). I am hoping that I can prove the benefits that electronic literature (that form of digital writing and making) can be effective and beneficial in a lot of different ways.

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  2. This poem won’t
    write itself
    and it won’t let me
    write it, either,
    so I’m stuck in the margins
    of my notes,
    wondering about the wandering
    and putting little stakes in the ground
    to claim some land
    I’m almost sure
    somebody else has already
    walked.

    — Kevin
    PS — Good luck finding that anchor. I like the idea of poetry and thesis papers wrestling each other (and hope poetry wins!)

    Liked by 1 person

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