Stressing and Pressing… are we there yet?

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So, with everything going on in my life right now, I can’t say I feel like I have made much progress since my last blog post. I feel like I am literally taking life on a day-to-day basis. Whatever is in my sight in the moment gets my attention, and whatever is outside of my peripheral, stays behind a line that I cannot see.

There is no doubt in my mind, and no possible way, that I could ever lose the passion and drive that I have for this thesis. It all started as a passion project, and now I am faced with expanding it and challenging even my own ideas to hopefully end up with what could be the greatest piece of written academic work that I have produced in my entire life. I had a conversation with one of my colleagues just two days ago. I was worried that I had no idea what I was doing anymore. My ideas and theories we’re changing. I was possibly chasing what I wanted to do, and so that meant that certain things that I had in place with my first idea, would obviously have to change to some extent as my overall claim did. (There is no way to make this entire paragraph not sound like a cliche…

I am dealing with a lot with my thesis. I am covering a lot of topics, and reaching for what seems to be either too simple or overly complicated. However, after looking through some notes I took from a conversation had with a friend, I thought I might’ve almost solidified my claim if not completely solidified it. I asked myself, then, is it enough to just ask:

In what ways does writing in and for digital spaces (like with electronic literature) affect and/ or enhance the creative and reflective processes? 

I would like to answer the question above, but use my own process to do so. I think there is something about starting with the self and being more reflective in my own experience and right before I try to speak out to the rest of the world and say that something works. Normally, the old Richonda would have said that that was too much of a selfish move, and that I had to be putting something new out there into the ether about others and to help others. As a young child in the education system, one is taught to not put oneself in anything that one writes, but in higher education, one is encouraged and dare I say forced to then write about oneself and it is hard to muster up a way to explain one’s identity as it stands.

This paragraph is going to close out everything, and I am not sure what I am going to say yet, but I am going to keep typing and not edit this out. I am stressed. Yes. I just want to curl up into a ball under my covers and stare at the wall instead of put any energy even into the things I care about right now. Yes. I am going to keep going no matter what because this means more to me than my inability to function at times. Yes. I shall not falter. This is too important. It’s too important.

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